#1: Become One With The Void

Here is the dream scenario: I will be completely forgotten by the world.

Not really something you see a writer aspiring towards, but unlike other more typical writing dreams (like finally finishing that book), this one is completely achievable.

Hear me out: I, like many nerds before me, completely fell in love with mythology books when I was little. In fact, to this day, the collection of Greek myths by Eduard Petiška (I highly encourage you to check this guy out) remains to be my most read book of all time. It was the first "adult" book I have ever read and I remember completely devouring it time and time again. I still return to it, once every couple of years.

But what fascinated me the most, weren't the weird monsters, mighty gods or cool heroes and magical artefacts. The most important thing to me was, that once upon a time, all these things were real. In a way.

Books, in my opinion, are time machines. They are biased and imperfect and sometimes really hard to get through, especially if you opt for more ancient texts and actually decide to delve to original sources instead of rereading a children's book again and again. It is definitely not true that classics are better than modern literature, but even if you decide to pick up a book merely ten years old, you will definitely start to notice the differences. All the subtle changes your culture and your society went through. All the things that were important and no longer are or vice versa. Every little word matters even if we do not like them or agree with them or simply find them boring. Whenever I pick up a book, from any culture and from any time, I get reminded of that magical feeling that I had when I was little: I am about to embark on a journey that shouldn't be possible. I will see the world the way the people before me saw it and feel it the way they did. Stories are hardly a work of one person.

Don't get me wrong, I know fully well how hard it is to sit down every day for many, many years to write a full novel. Especially because I have never gotten to type THE END - not even once - and I'm still trudging my way through. I'm not trying to diminish the hard work of authors, but none of us create in a vacuum. Our stories are collections of all the little and the big shards of our life that were important enough to leave an impact. And it doesn't really matter whether you write a scientific paper, a cookbook or a fantasy epic. It is impossible to hide your voice and the voices of all the people that inspired you. Be it your wife, your friend, a random stranger you passed on the street, an actor in a movie, a long dead writer living 3 centuries before you or the priest who has painted the hieroglyphics on the walls and taught you how to appease the gods and why.

If we do have a soul, stories are its most powerful manifestation. They are as close as we can get to truly know another person. Hell, to even truly know ourselves. And if I get to actually finish even a single story of mine, there is nothing I want more, than for it to have that same kind of magic, for someone else, a thousand years in the future, when even the words on my gravestone are no longer legible.

The final reasons I wish to be forgotten are a bit petty, maybe. First of all, I am not the greatest person to be around and the fact that we all are pretty forgetful is actually quite comforting and is the only thing that lets me sleep at night, not endlessly reliving an argument I had 10 years ago. Whatever happened, happened and sooner or later, no matter how embarrassing that was, it will disappear, completely without a trace. There used to be times where forgetting something or someone used to fill me with dread and a really deep sinking feeling of invisibility that I didn't wish to feel or to inflict upon others. But forgetting is a natural way of life and while it can have its sinister edge (looking at you Alzheimer's disease), it also allows you to heal and to rediscover the world anew.

Second reason is, that we live in quite some interesting times indeed. Virtual reality, robots, holographs and all that might be fascinating to watch developing, but, I even cringe when I see certain historical figures on T-shirts and souvenirs such. The idea that someone, someday will put my exact face or create a 3D model of my body or restores my voice in some capacity and makes me say something, do something or promote something even though I am long dead, creeps me the fuck out. No thank you. Let my stories live on and don't make me into a puppet. I shall much rather turn to dust, and then, to nothing. 

They say we all came from stars, having the atoms and molecules, that form our fragile bodies, forged in the hot mess that was the early universe. I would much rather join the flaming balls somewhere high up there, in the endless void, and be free. That is the only heaven I believe in.

19:36:20, 06/07/2020

Anyways, what is your ultimate writing dream?