The branches of the fallen tree scratched her and scraped her, caught her hair and clothes, she hit a rock and was dragged roughly against it, she felt so many sharp stones dragging across her back and legs, then there was nothing but cold and pushing. 

Underwater!

The push and pull of the water was confusing, Brina couldn't see, couldn't hear, didn't know which way she was facing, where she even was, how fast, nothing was working. Opening her eyes only hurt, but she couldn't close them yet, she had to find her way out but it was too muddy and there was nothing she could see to help! She flailed and tried to kick, nothing was around her, she was surrounded by nothingness, she didn't know where she was going, she didn't know where was--The sun! She saw the light, the sun on the surface of the water, and she tried to get herself pointed at it and get moving.

Swimming with a current was harder than Brina ever imagined. Not even because it was hard to fight the current to go in one direction--just swimming by itself was harder. No sooner than Brina started trying to swim did her arms and legs begin to ache, she couldn't keep herself upright let alone go in the right direction, she needed air--!

Fluke chance and work together got Brina to the surface, and she sputtered helplessly before she was tossed head over heels by the current once more.

She was gonna drown! 

Surface!

She hit a rock hard and clutched at it long enough to snag a breath before the current thrust her up and over it, back into the icy water and downriver. 

Brina tried to grab things she found in the water, but the better her attempt, the more she was punished for it. The water pushed her into or off them, threw her over the top of them, flipped her upside down or sideways, dragged her across them. Brina eventually remembered how to swim on a fast river, but she didn't think she could make it work. Lie flat on your back, float flat like a waterspider, lean to a side to guide yourself over there, it's like sledding only not…

Brina struggled to stay above water, struggled to keep her head up, struggled to float. Everything ached and she was being dragged into the middle of the river. She called for help, but she couldn't even hear herself over the water.

The longer it went, the harder it was to move, and Brina's fight became weaker and weaker. Everything hurt, her lungs hurt, her arms and legs hurt. She stopped fighting the current entirely and just tried to keep her head up. The eddies tried to take her down, but lying flat on her back helped with that, and if she let it, the water would take her past instead of into the rocks, and it saved her the beating they were giving her. She couldn't feel her legs now, she was worried she broke them on the rocks...

The river got calmer and Brina could stop fighting to keep herself upright at least but now she was tired and only getting carried further downriver… her limbs hurt so much… her lungs burned…  

She caught sight of something on the shore. The water was slowing down and smoothing out and it gave her a better look at the thing and saw a huge gray wolf bounding along, joined shortly afterward by at least one more, but then they faded out of view amongst the trees.

The dirty water would slow down and she'd get a chance to catch her breath, but then the river 'walls' would rise, the hills on either side would make the river narrower and faster and the water would whirl around stones or trees and suck her in and under, toss her and confuse her. She remembered to follow the bubbles after the second time. The chill wasn't biting like it should have been, but Brina felt her body getting cold anyway, the magic was the only reason she could take it. 

Now that she was successfully keeping something like upright, it was better, but Brina still couldn't do anything else. The little girl was dragged downriver for what felt like hours. She did better after she remembered how to float on her back, but that didn't make it easy. Her arms ached, her legs ached, even her belly ached just trying to hold her breath like that to keep herself afloat. 

Nothing was tall enough to grab, nothing was low enough to grab, Brina attempted to surf the flow as much as she could. How far could she even go? Would she be swept out to the ocean? Could she swim to shore… no, Brina wasn't going to be able to swim much longer at all….

She felt herself beginning to slip, to lose the fight, to lose the strength to keep up the fight. The ache was going numb and the numbness was becoming weakness. Her arms would sink if she wasn't careful, even sucking in air was getting just plain impossible...

Brina's legs hit something, which was normal, but then they continued hitting, and then she spun but when her legs fell, her butt hit the ground and she rolled instead of being taken under. Surface. Rocks. The river dragged her across the jagged stones and Brina barely got her hands down to stop herself, there was nothing to grab…

And suddenly, there was. She was pulled further inland into the forest. The trees were standing out of the flowing water, she must have been on flooded land. It only kinda helped, even the shallow parts were above Brina's hips and the water was going too hard for her to get her feet down. The water going between the trees was still too fast and would swing her around them. She tried and failed to get hold, each time only snatching at bark or clinging and being peeled away before she could do anything like climbing. There was nothing she could do, she was too weak, even when she did manage to get her arms around and hang on. The water was going to drag her back into the river before she could get out!

Fortune sent her a boon in the form of another fallen tree. It had fallen sideways so it was only partially submerged and didn't have the overbearing pressure flowing over it. Brina was shoved into it by the current, and she threw herself over it at the belly, clinging at the rough bark with her dress and letting her arms and head fall over the top to try and keep her legs from getting dragged under. 

Brina was pressed into the tree so hard that it became hard to breathe. Her body was so weak! She had to watch her arm move to know that it was, and it only moved half as fast as it should have. She worked a leg up, it was so hard! She pulled with her weak limbs, pushed, rolled, wriggled, until, finally, she was lengthwise on the log.

Brina tried to pull herself up, but picking her chest off the tree gave the water leverage, and she had to hug the tree again to keep it from ripping her away. She got herself rocked up a little more, but this was the best she could do. So she kept pressed to the tree, let the water push her, and she crept up the length. The relative ease compared to swimming like that was such a relief that Brina almost wept. She was too busy to weep.

Easier than swimming and yet still it felt insurmountable. She only continued because it was that or die, and Brina didn't want to die. She could reach up with an arm and push up the tree with her toes, the rough bark should have hurt but Brina was starting to wonder if her feet were cold enough to get through the magical protection. She inched her way up, tiny tiptoeing steps up the length of the fallen savior, until the water was low and slow enough that Brina could put her foot on the ground. She almost fell, but she dragged herself back up and clung for support as she staggered inland on legs that felt like goo. She blindly stumbled deeper into the forest. She couldn't think, all the thoughts she did have were going all by themselves and none of them were good or useful. 

Brina got to dry land and she looked across the river helplessly. She looked into the woods where she'd washed up but she didn't see anything. Her legs ached so bad, she didn't think she could go any further…

She surprised herself with exactly how much she could not only walk, but run, when she saw the big gray wolves trotting along the waterside. They merrily splashed in the floodwater as they bounded together. Brina took off, hoping that if they saw her, they wouldn't decide she was food. Her weak legs were clumsy, it was hard to place her numbed feet. The trees here were so much smaller and closer together than home, it was hard to dodge them, and she hit several on her way through with her shoulders and arms, occasionally even colliding with them.

She ran and ran, and finally stopped when her foot landed in a deep hole and she tumbled into the leaves. They stuck to her front and itched, and she struggled to get to her feet, stumbling again and falling flat. She was afraid to look, so she covered her head and waited for the fangs to sink into her legs. 

But they never came. No steps, no sniffing, even. No growling. Brina eventually uncovered and lifted her head.

Nothing.

She rolled onto her back first and lay there for several long moments before she dragged herself sitting. She didn't even know that part of her belly existed to hurt. The forest was empty except for her own path, as far as she could tell. She caught her breath and waited to see if the wolves were going to catch up, but they never did. What could she do to get away from them? She couldn't think. Ro-Ro said stuff about wolves, but she couldn't think!

Brina sat in the middle of the expansive forest, worn out lungs heaving more slowly as time passed. Eventually, Brina felt safe enough to get to her feet. Her legs still hurt but her feet felt better. They really were cold, but they were the right color, at least...

She turned in place slowly to get an idea of where she was. She was surrounded by familiar kinds of trees, most of which were younger and smaller than the ones at home. The leaves coated the ground and crackled and crunched under the chattering squirrels and birds emerging from hiding. The smell of water and pine was strong and should have been calming. The forest smelled like home, but it wasn't. Something about it was colder. 

Brina did another circle in place, numb feet barely leaving the ground as she rotated, and her breathing began to deepen and hasten as she realized...

She was lost.

Brina was lost! All the way lost, not lost like in her own forest and still could head in any direction and find where she was, she was lost! 

Her family had told her for years that she could fall in and get washed away, they'd all told her over and over again they didn't want her at the river for that reason. Even if she didn't drown, she might get eaten by the waterbeasts, or she would wash up on the other side (this side) and be eaten by the animals or freeze or starve or die of thirst or get poisoned by eating the wrong thing or by snakes. Worse, she could wash up in the wobbly part of the feywild veil and there was no telling what could happen to her if she fell through. Ro-Ro even agreed that it would probably be bad and she would be beyond saving by anyone but Ro-Ro, who still might not be able to help. 

Brina hadn't been eaten by the waterbeasts, nor did she wash up in the veil part of the forest (That was on the other side, she was sure) but now she was in the woods and alone. Not even her woods, either, but the wrong side of the river. Brina wasn't sure if that was better or not, considering everything her family said about the feywild.

She sat back down and wept. At first she was quiet, then it grew to a full wail, but her lungs already hurt and she was too tired to keep that up for long. Even sobbing hurt her belly, and it wouldn't stop. Brina could only sit and let the tears fall until she was done.

Taking the time to cry and just crying by itself felt better. But now it was time to stop crying and get things done, Aunt Eupa would always say. Or cry while you get things done, but the crying was too much effort to do at the same time as anything else right now.

Brina got back to her feet and looked around again to take real stock of where she was. It didn't help, she had no idea, but she could hear the river, at least, and there was a hill to Brina's right. She was glad she had the hot-cold magic today or she would already have frozen. She looked around another time and softly called, "Ro-Ro?" Ro-Ro would hear her no matter where she was. Aunt Eupa said she could probably hear them all from the feywild, across the veil and distances Brina couldn't even imagine. Ro-Ro said Aunt Eupa was exaggerating, but that she could hear anyone shouting from anywhere in the forest.

At home.

But if Ro-Ro could hear Tinian from her hovel, Ro-Ro could hear Brina from here. Right? She hadn't been swept that long down the river, how fast do rivers even go? Could Ro-Ro do that because the forest was hers…?

Brina remembered the wolves again. Would they hunt her? Would they want to eat her? She was easy prey, but she was small and wouldn't feed much… but they wouldn't have any reasons not to. She'd be a good snack. Ro-Ro said to stop being prey, you had to be, or at least look like, too much trouble to hunt and eat. Her being human, she was considered inedible by most beasts, but she was little which was why she had to be with her family...

I have to do something. Handle this. 

Ro-Ro was the one that would be the one she'd ask in the forest, even if Daddy and Aunt Eupa were there. So what would Ro-Ro tell her to do? Ro-Ro had told Brina so many things about surviving in the woods, and the first thing was always to stay where she was from the moment she realized she was lost. Brina had already messed that up. And there were wolves--! She couldn't just stay where she was…

This forest had the same kinds of trees, but these ones weren't as big and were closer together, she determined again. It was the only thing she could think. More birds and animals lived here, the noises were a lot louder and more frequent than at home. Brina saw a quartet of big black birds that she was confident were ravens. Crows were big but not that big. She thought immediately of Uncle Peck, but the ravens he could call up weren't able to travel far from him, certainly not as far as she'd been washed. 

The deep sense of being alone and lost left a hollow feeling in her belly. She wanted nothing more than to be home with Daddy and Daemon, even doing the lessons again. She looked back toward the river. She could just walk with it and go up the way toward where she came from? The river was that way, right? The trees hid it from view from here. Right? 

Brina felt her heart go cold when she realized that she didn't know where the river was. Where were her tracks? She couldn't see those anymore-- wait, no! There. Wait. What if the wolves were tracking her from that way?

Brina looked down the path of disturbed and crushed leaves that she'd created, and she held her breath to listen for anything else big that might live here. She could follow them back to the river and walk up… but… The wolves...

The sound of beating wings startled Brina into a short yelp and she spun to face the noise. One of the ravens had come to get a better look at her. Its friend flapped a little closer after it. Brina blinked up at the first one and managed a weak, toothless smile. "Hi." Her own voice sounded foreign to her, creaky and low. Brina wondered for a moment if she was too cold and didn't notice, checked her hands like they could tell her something. They were the right color, and so were her fingernails. She was okay. Probably. 

All four ravens were looking at her when she looked back up at the shining black birds with their shining black beaks and shining black eyes. She considered that she was being silly, but really, she'd seen sillier things, and it didn't hurt to ask. "Do you know my Uncle Peck? Or my Ro-Ro? Can you tell them I'm lost?" 

One of them creaked at her, and then so did the other three. She knew ravens were smart enough that they might well be talking to her. She understood them about as well as they understood her, but she knew what they said anyway. They weren't sure what she needed, but they couldn't help her. 

"Thank you anyway," Brina told them, and she tried to find a good tree to climb. Maybe she could see Tinian so she could get going in the right direction until she felt safe enough to go back to the riverside. She finally began to walk through the forest to find a good tree.

The ravens made her miss Uncle Peck. He was a strange guardian, but he was a good enough one, all of the other grown-ups agreed. He wasn't allowed to babysit by himself, but he was a good playmate and encouraging source of mischief along with Aunt Eupa. His tricks were different, and he thought gross things were funny and made jokes about carrion a lot. Aunt Eupa didn't like it, and she always gave Daddy sharp looks when Uncle Peck said something gross, like telling Brina that she should always start with the soft spots like the eyeballs. Daddy didn't seem to mind, though Brina did learn not to say some of the stuff he said.

Uncle Peck turned up a little after they got Brina. He was the one that told them about the prophecy, but he didn't know it himself. The Death Goddess made him out of gravedust and magic and put him back in the living world to help her family shape Brina's destiny or something like that. He always said it differently every time and sounded crazy no matter what he said. 

He was prone to being distracted talking to things that weren't there, or at least that's what Brina thought before she started seeing the magic and understanding what it was like to see things no one else could. He said he was talking to "them" and sometimes he would even say "the flock", The rest of the family didn't seem to care much that he never made any sense. Aunt Eupa talked to him most and could make him make sense most when she wanted to, but that also meant they fought more and that she was mean to him. 

Hey! Brina found a good tree to climb. It was tall, but it still had lower branches left on one side and Brina had a good starting point from a large root that thrust from the ground. A thick hairy vine wrapped around the broad trunk and provided a good handhold. She knew the vine could be something that would be itchy, but it could also not be and she couldn't see any leaves to guess. She got a good jump up at the tree and got hold of a branch only to find that her hands were weak and she slipped. A second try saw slightly more success, only slipping from the vine, and she dangled for a few moments before her weakened grip dropped her once more. 

Aunt Eupa had taught her this one. She got on the big root, jumped at the tree, and kicked off it to get at the branch that was low enough to grab. She had to use her toes on the vine going around, but it worked and she got an arm over the branch and her leg over the branch and she laid across the low limb as she caught her breath. She'd never been this out of breath after so little. Her arms hurt already.

But she had work to do. Brina started making her way up hand over hand, keeping her reach low and her steps small. It felt a lot more normal, and if she didn't think about it, Brina didn't mind being lost. She was just on an adventure like the ones her Daddy and Ro-Ro and Aunt Eupa told her about. Climbing the tree felt like a hundred times before and something new at the same time, which was nice.

It was really hard, though. Brina had almost forgotten how much her body ached until she got about halfway up and her arms were too tired to even reach over her head anymore. Her legs could still go but her arms needed to stop, and she sprawled herself over a branch to rest. 

Maybe she should stay in the tree? Her family would find her, she knew. Ro-Ro said she had an extra sense that told her when to go home and check on the family. She'd be coming home soon, Brina was confident. Aunt Eupa was so sneaky and fast, Brina would never even know if Aunt Eupa had followed her all the way to the inlet and down the river and could be standing right beneath her for all Brina knew. She checked, but she knew Aunt Eupa wouldn't be found if she didn't want to be. 

That made her feel a little better. They would follow her and hide from her to teach her a lesson. That was something Aunt Eupa did a lot, waiting for her to mess up whatever she was up to and then step in to tell her what she did wrong and help. Daddy would always stop her, Ro-Ro wouldn't get involved, but Aunt Eupa would just stand behind her and watch for ages. She would often startle Brina with a breathy little, "Whatchya doin'?" right before Brina did anything harmful or dangerous, but if Brina wasn't going to get hurt, Aunt Eupa would just let her do it. Swimming in the deep part of the river, building a trap for Daddy in the den, the squirreling in the wrong parts of the trees, or heading too deep into the wrong part of the forest. She trusted her family to keep her safe. Even if she was messing up and doing things she knew she shouldn't. 

Aunt Eupa had saved her when she was lost in the woods the first time, too, actually. Brina didn't remember it, but they told her the story to remind her not to do it again. It hurt Brina's feelings to think about that, now. 

The story always went that Aunt Eupa and Daddy were fighting one day, which was normal, and Aunt Eupa decided to go for a walk, which was also normal. By then, Aunt Eupa was one of Brina's favorite people, and she often tried to copy or be around Aunt Eupa. At the time, Aunt Eupa still didn't like her, either, Daddy said, and that was part of the fight. 

"So, I stomp out the door, and you decide that I need my cloak, and you grab it off the hook, and start following me while your dad isn't looking," Aunt Eupa told her. Daddy always blushed furiously when she said it like that, but she always wore the pity-smile instead of the vicious one. "Your daddy always thinks it says something bad about him that you moved that fast.

"And I've been out in the middle of the woods for a while, and I hear this tiiiiiiny little sound in the back of my ears. Your little voice was unmistakable, but the first time I heard it I thought, 'there's no way this kid is out here this far.' I thought it was a fox." Aunt Eupa would do this high pitched nasally sound that reminded Brina of a meow more than a voice. "And then I hear you again, this tiny squeak of 'Oooooopaaaaaa!' like you used to do, and I think, 'something stole it and is using it as bait', 'cos that sounds like some Faerie shh.. Stuff to do. But you're lost or in trouble, and your dad would go to pieces if you got hurt. So I follow your tiny Baby Brina noises and find you toddling along with the cloak dragging on the ground, blue-lipped and shivering. You're so far out that I can't even hear your dad calling us. You're lucky you picked the right direction to look for me.  Scared the shit out of us."

If Aunt Eupa was on the ground, she was still hiding. If she wasn't down there, she'd get there eventually, and it was up to Brina to live long enough to let her. I can do this. I can. I really can, I can do anything. I'm the Chaos Child of Prophecy, whatever that means. I'm Brinarini and I'm magic and I'm loved and I'm fast and I'm strong and I'm tough and I'm good. She could almost hear Aunt Eupa's voice. The words were a thing Aunt Eupa did with her, she said they had to be true or it didn't work. Brina asked if she had one and she nodded and said, "But I can't tell you what it is because your daddy'll break me."

I'm Brinarini and I'm magic and I'm loved and I'm fast and I'm strong and I'm tough and I'm good. Brina finally stood up in the branches of the tree she'd been climbing and continued her way up. Her arms still ached but were better, and her legs were starting to feel like themselves again.

The rest of the way up was easy. Brina liked climbing trees, and once she got high enough, the branches were thinner and closer together and made good handholds and steps. Toward the top, they got too thin to hold her up anymore, and she got almost to the peak. She found a good spot to stick her head out, but the tree didn't get high enough to see over the rest of the forest. She could see the tops of the trees right around her, all brown and yellow and evergreen. She was hoping she'd be able to tell at least where the river was, but the trees between her and it were hiding it too well. Brina thought about 'squirreling' to the next one but didn't trust herself right now. She had dropped herself twice just trying to get into this tree. If she fell from a height like this...

She couldn't see the walls of Tinian, the towers in the center of it, nothing. Brina was too far away, she guessed. There were only a few parts of the forest she could get high enough to see Tinian at home, so that made some sense, especially since these trees were smaller. She hadn't even cleared the windbreak of the trees up here. She would have to climb a bigger tree to see anything. Brina didn't think she could climb any bigger trees right now.

She couldn't see the wolves, either, or hear them. So that might have been good, right? 

Brina perched on the rough branches and leaned against the trunk as she rested and considered her options. She could stay in the tree? She knew she should stay still but was there water to find here? These leaves were okay for it, she guessed…

Brina determined she could stay in the tree like she knew she should. And of course, her stomach alerted her to its emptiness with a low ache in the center of her body. "Really?" Brina was hungry. Of course she was hungry, she hadn't eaten since breakfast, she was supposed to have lunch about the time she fell in.

Well. Maybe she could find food and then climb a tree after she ate? That'd be okay, right? Could she even climb any more trees? Her arms and legs felt funny, but that could have been the hunger as much as the tired… 

What kind of food could she eat out here? There were berries and fruits all over the place at home, and this side had a lot more animals to help spread the seeds around and make new ones….

Okay. So I'm gonna climb down and I'm gonna go find food, and then I'm gonna climb another tree with the wide leaves like this and I'm gonna wait there for Ro-Ro. Okay. I'm okay. I can do this. "I'm Brinarini and I'm magic and I'm loved and I'm fast and I'm strong and I'm tough and I'm good." Hearing them in her weakened, hollow voice was not as helpful as letting her mind's ear hear it in Aunt Eupa's yowling loving one.

Brina lowered herself out of the tree and started walking back to find her trail here. She could do this. The bark was rough on her hands, but the familiarity felt good, and her hands were stronger now that she'd had a chance to rest.

Getting back to the perch Brina had rested on earlier, Brina remembered Aunt Eupa doing the Oopa cry again. It reminded Brina of the first times Aunt Eupa took baths with her. They told this story the same way as the other, each of the grown-ups would interrupt each other and pick on each other and remind each other about certain parts of the stories. 

"Every day!" Aunt Eupa would cry. "Just, 'Ooooooooopaaaaaa!' I'm just trying to take a damn bath! And you insist on bugging me every day! For a month! I give up and finally let you in and that sh-- becomes normal almost immediately."

Ro-Ro liked to tease Aunt Eupa about that one. "You say that as though you didn't love giving Brina baths, you wanted to the whole time. You even went and got her a tub just like yours the very next day!"

Brina still had that oblong steel tub with high sides. She used it for her laundry and toys and pretend games. It was The Crow's Nest right now, hanging in a tree from a neatly-knotted ropework sling. Daddy would make her take it down when he noticed. Aunt Eupa already agreed to take the blame if it fell with her in it, since she was the one that helped hang it in the tree in the first place. 

Daddy said the baths were the beginning of a new Aunt Eupa. Brina could never imagine Aunt Eupa being mean to her--well, no meaner than to anyone else, Aunt Eupa was just like that--but everyone said that she didn't like Brina at first. "She did that with your daddy, too," Ro-Ro assured her. "And Uncle Peck." Brina had personally watched her warm up to Daemon after going out of her way to scare him half to death at every opportunity, so she believed it, but she just couldn't imagine it. 

Because Aunt Eupa was mean, she was meaner than anything to everyone. She said she was bad, but that wasn't why. She wasn't cruel, Aunt Eupa was always quick to stop and hug Brina and remind her that she was just an asshole if she ever made Brina sad. She'd tell Brina to call her an asshole and tell her to go away. And Brina would, and Aunt Eupa would listen (usually), and even cheer her on for it.

But she could be nice, even if everyone else said she couldn't. Brina wasn't sure if they were ignoring her good parts or not. Aunt Eupa taught her the string of words that always made her feel better and recited them with her over and over until Brina could say them by heart. And how to breathe to calm down when she was panicked, and how to think through fear, and she was always making sure everyone was taken care of. She loved them all fiercely. Brina never needed anything, hardly got the chance to want anything when Aunt Eupa was around. Aunt Eupa snuck her food and taught her how to be stealthy and how to do the fun things safely. Aunt Eupa was always the first one to tell Brina that she saw the hard work and the progress she was making, no matter what she was doing, even if she wasn't supposed to be doing it, even the magic.

Brina missed her Aunt Eupa a lot now, and imagined her swooping out of nowhere to scoop her up and wrap her into her cloak and take her home again. Aunt Eupa could even still carry her like a baby, cradling her in her arms and snuggling her close, even though Aunt Eupa was so much smaller than Daddy or Ro-Ro. Brina wasn't sure if Aunt Eupa was going to act angry or nothing but loving when Brina got home. She'd be mad for being scared for Brina, but she'd be so happy to see her again. She would definitely be chatty and would stop talking when she started to swear too much. She'd be proud of Brina for surviving.

Brina swallowed the fear. I'm not gonna die. I would've died by now if I was gonna die, that's what Aunt Eupa always said. Humans die all at once or not at all. Even when they're sick. 

Finally, Brina touched back onto the leaf-covered ground. She fell when she landed--her legs were still too weak to really catch her the way she meant for them to, but she was okay. Her attempts to brush herself off only crumbled the leaves further into her damp clothes. Brina tried to find her tracks, found the side of the tree she remembered coming up to. She tried to find her tracks some more before she decided to go ahead and start walking. She was going to stop when she got food anyway, she didn't have to find her old path, and she didn't need to head back to the river or anything. It would be okay. I'm okay.