As I grow older I find myself wondering more and more if those who would eventually change the world, would know just how much they will lose while fighting for their dreams, would still go on? Or would they settle for that they already have, refusing to sacrifice their happiness for the greater good? If I were to stand there again, in Shora's Gaze, and I would know what my actions are about to bring upon myself - as well as the freedom and hope they would bring for my people -, I know not if I would still do what I did. Maybe it's for the best that none of us knows the consequences for our actions. This way, I was there to alter history forever.
I was born in great Shurrah, the land of slavers and warlords. A slave of Clan Ralar, I had no rights and no control over my own life. Of my place of birth and parents I have little memory. Like many others at the time, I was sent into the desert as soon as I was able to lift a shovel. The terraforming of the Deadland was gaining momentum at the time. Clan Ralar had many gardens, being one of the first clans who diverted their efforts from conquest to terraforming.
I was sent to Midmorning, a new garden, little more than desert when I arrived. Life as a labourer in a fledgeling garden was not easy. Toiling away in the hot sun during the day, then sleeping in crowded rooms in the night. Many have not survived long in these conditions and even those who did have given up on life, focusing only on their next meal and resting when able to. But not I. There must be more to life than this and I will find it.
So I kept my head down and worked. As manual labour, the work was backbraking. Digging trenches, planting the watercatchers and hauling sand. Gods, so much hauling! As time went by and the labourers kept dying, more slaves were brought in to replace them. Those who were here since the beginning have been moved to construction. There, we worked alongside the Marred, the commoners in Shurrah.
Not only had we had to work just as hard, but everything we did had to be precise, otherwise buildings would fall apart, people could be crushed and then we would certainly be executed. Thankfully that never happened. After a few years, the Engineer's Council started taking apprentices from the workforce. Those who showed resilience towards the working conditions were chosen. I ended up under the hand of one Mehezarr Ralar, a construction engineer, second only to the Gardener himself.
Mehezarr was a hard man. Tough, but fair. Under his guidence I learned much about architecture, dam-building, planning and other matters related to engineering. More importantly however, I learned how to lead people, how to divide up the work, how to spot talent as well as troublemakers and to ignore the workers' concerns in favor of getting the work done. At that time I saw that as being cold and uncaring. Little did I know that in time I'd come to appreciate this lesson most.
The good Master eventually passed away from sickness. To everyone's surprise, out of all of his apprentices, he left me -a slave - as the next construction engineer for the Midmorning garden. By that time, the place barely resembled a desert. Grass and bushes covered much of the former dunes. A thin forest lay to the north, with a few small creeks inside. At times even rain was falling, although most of the water was still brought in by canals or the watercarriers. The average temperature was much lower than it used to be and slaves died a lot less, thank the Gods.
In honor for my long years of service to the garden, I was freed and raised to the rank of Marred, when I joined the Engineer's Council. At that time I could have left Midmorning Garden. I had no cause to complain however. Life as an engineer was everything a slave could ever dream of. No hard labour, plenty of food and drink and my own house with servants. I was even allowed to have a family, but I had no intention to. And maybe, I never should have. Maybe I should have just left, go north into the country, live a comfortable life as a now free man. But I went down a different path.
When I was overseeing the work, sometimes I still talked with the slaves. As a former slave myself, I cared about their working conditions and tried to help them when I could. Why make them suffer like I did when there are other options? I often asked myself. It was during one of these talks when I first saw Naria, a girl working in the kitchens. I have never before seen someone so pretty. I often dined and lunched with the slaves after that, just so I could see her. After a while we started talking and I fell in love with her. And in time, she returned my feelings as well.
Since our first talks I knew I wanted a family with her. No, a Life with her. Slaves are not allowed to marry, however, and as a member of the Marred I couldn't own slaves to be together that way. And Clan Ralar rarely frees slaves. My talents at engineering were enough to earn my freedom, but I doubted it would be enough for both of us. I still had to try something and so I went to the Gardener. He would forward my request to the Chief. Trueblood like him would never live in the desert alongside the workers.
To my surprise, Chief Ralar agreed, even blessed our union under the Twin Gods. He made it clear however that now I owe him a favor. The type of favor that could not be forced upon one of the Marred, even by a Trueblood. In hindsight, I should have thought longer about what could he possibly ask of me, but at the time I thought of nothing but Naria.
A life with her was worth more than any favor, I felt at the time. Never have I thought, that a man can be this happy, let alone one who was born a slave. Every day I woke up with a smile and the first thing I saw each morning was her face. Being the construction engineer was no easy job, but with her supporting me, I felt like I was able to move mountains.
During those years I got close to the Gardener. He taught me a lot about the different plants we used and the general aspects of terraforming. I got the feeling that he wanted me to eventually replace him as Gardener. Which sounds insane, a former slave as gardener, so I never gave it much thought, I had my work cut out for me in the present. And Naria was with child.
It was around this time that Chief Ralar came to collect the debt owned. My own apprentice was to replace me as engineer and I to leave the garden. Clan Ralar made peace with a rival clan know as Missar. Clan Missar had no experience with terraforming, yet they attempted to build a garden of their own. As part of the pact, Ralar was to send an experienced gardener to Clan Missar's garden. And since Chief Ralar didn't want to rob any of his gardens of its gardener, the choice fell on me.
And so I gathered my family - my wife, Naria and our daughter, Hallia - and left the place where I lived my whole. Clan Missar's garden, called Shora's Gaze, laid far to the west, almost at the sea. After a long and tiring journey we arrived.
I knew that Shora's Gaze was a new garden, but knowing it was different than actually seeing it for the first time. Vast desert with a few buildings and a single water tank. Just like how Midmorning looked like when I first arrived there, many years ago, as a child. However, I wasn't young anymore and Naria has never even seen a fresh garden. This will be harder than we thought.
Life under Missar rule was different than under Clan Ralar. Clan Missar wasn't so cold towards their slaves. They often told them that - in a way - they are also members of the clan. Even if they can't wear the name, they should be proud of that. And they believed the clansmen. Some of them even called themselves Missar where the Marred couldn't hear. Naria, Hallia and I had to take up the Missar name as all members of the Marred caste should.
The slaves were obedient toward me as well, I doubt they knew that we were formerly slaves too. There was also the Marred working in the garden and my own Engineer's Council. This amount of respect and responsibility was new to me. Without Naria, I don't know how would I have dealt with the pressure.
Complete strangers looking up to me, obeying my every word. And as they worked I saw the same expresion in their faces I saw in my fellow slaves during the early years of Midmorning. The complete hopelessness of a slave forced to work in the desert. There is more to life than this. For some of us anyway. But maybe, now I could make it a reality for all of us.
At first I did try to turn Shora's Gaze into a real garden, lush and beautiful, just like Midmorning. The work was slow, slower than I remembered. It could've been because I wasn't such a great gardener, but our resources were also limited. Clan Missar's engineers hadn't the experience that the engineers in Midmorning did. Clan Ralar wasn't about to give up their power they gained from terraforming for some peace pact, so the only gave them their most expendable gardener. Me.
The sight of the scorching desert each morning slowly eroded not only my spirit, but Naria's as well. Her once sparkling eyes now rarely looked up from the ground. She arrived in Midmorning when it was already blooming, she'd never seen the lifeless desert, she wasn't used to it. I might have been able to bear the desert myself, but seeing the life draining away from my wife and knowing that my daughter will probably have the same fate was more than I could bear.
I broke my back over in Midmorning. Built a life there. And one day I was just sent away as a bargaining chip. After all we did for Clan Ralar, they forced us once again to live in the desert. Sure, it was part of the bargain, but all I asked was to marry someone they didn't even fully consider a person. And in return they took my whole life away. Well, never again. Never again will we be the plaything of the Trueblood, never again will we work for a land whose bounty we won't be allowed to enjoy. Even if Shora's Gaze could be turned into a bountiful land, by that time, we'd be dead.
From time to time I joined the slaves by the fire in the evening. I told them tales from the early days of Midmorning, how slaves just like them died and were replaced by the thousands. How those who survived were evetually sent away. How uncaring the Trueblood really is. They were loyal to their masters at first, but eventually as the first slaves started to die, many have flocked to my ideals.
The Marred got wind of what I was doing. They tried to warn me against disobaying Chief Missar, but it was Chief Missar how bid them to obey me. So they could do nothing of substance against me. For now.
Years passed and people were growing restless. They now expected me to lead them away from servitude and I was seriously considering abandoning the garden, but where to go? We can't go north, we would run straight into the arms of Clan Missar. Going east or west is not much better, the Deadland stretches from sea to sea, in the best case, we would end up in another garden and Clan Missar would get word of it. No, the only choice is to go south.
South, where few have ventured before and those who did never returned. No one has ever crossed the desert before, according to legend. But then again, no one has really tried to cross it since the first gardens were established. I learned a lot about surviving in the desert in both Midmorning and Shora's Gaze and my people are now used to live here as well. We had more of a chance than anyone before. But why would we run? We actually had a life here even if it wasn't the best. We had food, drink and - above all - we had no idea just how far south the desert stretches. What if there is no end to it? What if we reach the end and the land there is no better than the desert itself? Should we throw away everything we have for merely the hope of something better? Should I throw away everything for merely the hope of something better? With a daughter who just barely learned to walk?
Again, the clan chiefs took the decision away from me. Chief Missar heard of the rumors I've been spreading and sent some of his men to take me away. Take a Gardener away. That was unheard of, but Chief Missar was famously hot-headed. Some of the marred were happy to see me go, but others looked angry at the clan soldiers, who were sent to take me away. I had a bad feeling about this.
When they attempted to seize me, my wife tried to stop them and they impaled her without a second thought. At seeing this, my blood boiled and I threw myself at them. Some of the Marred joined me and we slew them, without any further casualities. I lifted the facemask of their leader and my heart stopped as I saw the pitchblack skin under it. A Trueblood. We slew a Trueblood. We would all die for that. Slowly. Children, adults, slaves and the Marred alike.
We buried our dead, but had no time to mourn. I sent out scouts into the desert to find the best path for us, but also sent some north so we have warning when the Missar army approaches looking for their men. In the meantime, we prepared for the journey. We used the construction materials to build carts, we made bags out of leather and put the samplings given for the garden into them to collect their water. All the tools not needed for travelling was left behind. When the northern scouts returned with word of an army heading our way, we were ready to head out. And so we did.
Even though I lived in the desert for so long, traveling it was harder than I thought. During the day, the heat made it hard to travel for long. And at night, the treacherous dunes injured many a careless scout. We kept to the south. At daylight, we based our route on the sun's path. I don't know if the Missar army ever tried to follow us, but we've never seen them.
At night the stars were our guides. During these treks in the dark, the group was silent. And I found myself often thinking about Naria. How I'll never see her again. She would be alive if not for my restlessness. Maybe she eventually would've found her peace in Shora's Gaze and the light would've returned to her eyes. But that would never happen now. I lost her forever. And how much more I'll lose...
Not all of us wanted to leave, but we were all forced to. I expected that argument to surface eventually, but the consequences were more dire than I could've foreseen. At first there was only complaining from those who would've rather stayed. Then there were arguments between the two sides and eventually they came to blows. During one of these fights someone died, the first victim of the journey, one of those who didn't want to leave. And to worsen the situatinon, the killer was the same young man who slayed the Trueblood.
That night I awoke to screaming and noises of battle. To this day I don't know who started the fighting, but by the time I left my tent victims lay on the ground from both sides. Men fighting and killing each other, women and children huddling in the tents crying was the sight that welcomed me. At first I tried to talk down the fighters, but they were not paying any attention to me. Then to my surprise, the women got up and ran between the men crying and screaming, doing their best to talk down their loved ones from fighting.
Even though tensions were high, the men both hungry and angry, the women somehow managed to calm them down. Although I was glad that cooler heads prevailed, the sight of women soothing their men made me miss Naria more than ever before. But she was gone and I had Hallia to take care of. Thus I had to find a solution so that a massacre like this wouldn't happen again.
But there was not much I could've done. We chose to part ways from those who wanted to stay. They were a third of us and they took a third of our remaining water and food and headed north, back to Shora's Gaze, to Clan Missar. I never learned what happened to them. The rest of us continued south with many injured and our spirits low.
Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and all we saw was the unending desert. Our numbers ever dwindled and so did our hope. When I looked at the faces following me, I saw the same look they had in the garden. That same hopelessness, that same acceptance of death. Was that all that was waiting for us? To die in the desert without home or hope? This can't be it. There must be more to life than that.
But where? Where would we find that 'more'? Everywhere I looked I saw only more desert. Abd we marched. We marched anyway. Through the hunger, the thirst, the heat and the pain, the less and less of us that remained, marched ever south.
When our food ran out and the weak kept dying, we were forced to make hard decisions. We consumed those who couldn't make it as a last choice to stay alive. Many were disgusted with ourselves, myself included, but there was no other option. And we paid the price for our transgessons.
Not long after we started eating our own some started to fall ill. Before the day was out, the whole camp had came down with some sort of disease. Some had chills, others were feverish. We had no medicine, no food and barely any water. Most couldn't fight off the disease and passed away during the night. I myself stayed up as long as I could - fighting the chills - to take care of my Hallia. Then exhaustion took the better of me and I fell asleep.
I woke the next morning to my chills gone. I saw Hallia sleeping, so I left the tent to check on the rest of the camp. As I expected, most didn't live to see the morning. People too tired to weep sat in front of their tents looking at the air in front of them. Some were bringing out their dead, putting them in the leather bags we used to condense the plants at the beginning of our journey. They planned to drink the condense water from those bodies. We survived consuming the dead once, why not again? Besides what other choice do we have?
I went back to my tent to wake Hallia, but when I touched her, my heart stopped. She wasn't breathing. I collapsed next to her.I shook her, trying to wake her to no avail. When I finally realized she was gone I tried to cry. But I too was way too exhausted for that. Then I walked out of the tent and left.
I left the camp and just walked aimlessly. All hope was gone. There isn't more to life than this. We were meant for the desert and we will die here. All we did, all I did was for nothing. How many people died so far? Alla of them could've had a better life, even as a slave. Even I - one born as a slave - had success in life. I loved and was loved back. I had a beautiful daughter and gorgeous wife. All that's gone now, all because I wanted more, more than what I had. And I had everything, what could be more than that?
I was granted the chance to lead. Lead where? To the exact same fate I was trying to avoid. To die worthlessly in the desert. But the Gods are crueler than that. The biggest fool - who thought he could cross an unending desert - should be the one to watch all his followers die before he too will pass. Nothing more awaited me or so I thought.
I have no idea how long I was wandering with these type of thoughts in my head. As the sky darkened, I collapsed. When I woke it was night. A clear, cloudless night. The full moon was high up on the sky, shining its pale light on the desert. And something in the distance shined back at it. I couldn't discern what it was, so I moved closer. And closer. And eventually I saw it. It was the reflection of the moon from a small creek. A creek!!
I ran up to it and dunked my head into the water and drank. I almost drowned but couldn't stop drinking. When I felt myself starting to pass out, I lifted my head from the water, took a deep breath and continued drinking. When I couldn't drink anymore I crawled into the creek and laid on my back, up to my ears in the cool water. I looked at the moon and laughed. Laughed like a maniac.
Eventually I stood up and went back to our camp. It was dawning when I arrived. I went to my tent, but found no trace of Hallia. Her body was gone, probably added to the rest to drain the water from them. A cruel fate, but it didn't matter, we won't be drinking that water.
I told of the creek to my fellow survivors. Most didn't believe me or didn't care, but some still listened. We took a cart and as many empty waterskins as we could carry and went back. After returning with the filled up waterskins, hope once again returned to the survivors. The less than one hundred of us who remained packed the camp and set out toward the creek.
After everyone drank their fill, we decided to follow it back to its origin. After all, this much water couldn't have come from nowhere. We followed the creek for three days and nights, drinking its water when we were thirsty and eating the few plants that grew at its side when we were hungry. Finally we arrived at a range of low, rocky hills stretching from east to the west. The creek originated from somewhere among the rocks.
We climbed the rocks and from the top looked south. When we looked around from the top, none could believe their eyes. I knew there was more to life, but this, I couldn't imagine.
South of the hills was a land unlike anything I've seen in my life. Rolling grasslands stretching all along the hills, creeks and rivers criss-crossing it, each carrying more water than we had with us when we set out from Shora's Gaze. Beyond the grass, a forest. A forest larger than Midmorning Garden, more trees than any of us could even imagine. And even further, beyond the forest, mountains, so tall their peaks were covered by clouds.
Some fell to their kness, others started crying. Most however - myself included - did both at the same time. I didn't stop staring for a long time. I couldn't. But then I forced myself to. I went and climbed the largest rock I could find on that hilltop and looked at the ragged, tired, injured, teary-eyed people. My people. And I spoke:
"Men! Women! Many have been our struggles. Many have been our losses. And many is our pain and suffering. We set out for a new life and now that life beckons us. That land down there is ours and so I claim it. I - Nahator Missar - claim this land for those who left their home for a better life. I claim this land for those who stayed true to our goal and never wavered. I claim this land for those who pushed through betrayal, hunger, thirst, sickness, loss, pain and suffering hanging on to little more than the thin hope of something better. To honor those who fell on this journey I name this land Hallia and I claim this land for Us!"
