I flexed my fingers. Human hands again.
Having retrieved my mask from Layla, we retreated to separate corners of the sanctuary. I currently sat on the only piece of rooftop solid enough for sulking, Layla gone into one corner on the ground and Rod staying near the altar. There had been no real talking after Layla’s attack. There wasn’t much more to be said at the moment.
I leaned back and looked upward at the moon. Earth only ever had one single moon, and it always intrigued me. I grew up with two, the twin moons operating in tandem to give light to the planet. But they alternated which light was present most of the time, creating their own light while also altering how we saw the central-system light. It was different than here, where sun and moon rose opposite, where the magic was influenced by the turns of stars in the sky. I had to get used to the heat the sun brought, the coolness of the single-moon sky.
But that was early on. Clearly I had gotten used to it. My home became a distant memory, a sketch of a life I used to live. I had been so long in hiding, so long pretending to be human, it was a wonder I remembered my past at all.
But now…now I was told some human was after the Keystones. It wouldn’t take him long to deduce I was one of the bearers. Or at least, I was the last one. If he had access to stories and legend from the home systems, he wouldn’t take long to discover the stories of the Elewnai, of how a single awkward half-blood uncovered the Keystone of fire and nearly burned an entire clan with it. It wouldn’t take him too long to put together a description of that half-blood, how she fled the worlds though a portal that led her to earth.
And I had just presented him with the same description he’d find. In essence, it wouldn’t take him long to make me a target.
This is exactly what I had been hiding from. This kind of thing. Everyone wanted you to use your Keystone that aligned with their priorities. What they thought was right. Never mind what you wanted. Never mind what you thought. They wanted to make sure you were either with them, or could be convinced to be with them. If you refused enough times, they’d see you dead and the Keystone in someone else’s hands.
I rubbed at my face little, leaning back completely and putting my back against the crumbling roof. Looked at the calmness of the sky.
Layla. I couldn’t just let her fall into someone else’s hands. From Rod’s story, Jake already assumed that Layla had some connection with the Keystones. She hadn’t acted like a bearer, but maybe Glidon had hidden a Keystone in the sword somehow. Maybe it was hidden in such a way that only Layla could access it. Maybe that was the idea.
From that story, though, Jake was already onto the scheme. He wouldn’t stop until the sword was in his hands. Wouldn’t stop until my fire was in his hands too.
I remembered the legends from my cubling days. They always said fire would be the one to light the beacon. Truth would call the others forward. Would shine and force the bearers into a decision. I never wanted that responsibility.
I stretched out, reaching forward. Looked over my arms. The symbols had vanished, of course. But I couldn’t shake the feeling…that maybe it was time. Time to take responsibility. In the very least, it was time to expose the truth about Jake to his followers and eliminate him as a potential threat. To me…and Layla. And even Rod.
So I sat up. Made my way back down to the floor of the church. Landed with a thud and walked over to Layla.
“I don’t…want to talk,” she said instantly, her back to me.
“Then don’t,” I said. “Just listen. You said two things early on in this run. One, you wanted to know who killed your father. Two, you wanted to put it to rest. You’ve accomplished the first goal.” She shuddered, holding herself tighter. “Thought any about how you’re gonna accomplish the second?”
She let out a short, cold laugh. “Thought any? Thought any!?” She spun on me, fists balled. “Of course I have! My goal has always been to kill him, to watch him writhe, to make him suffer the way I’ve suffered!! But I can’t…Olyvia, he was a fri…My father knew him!!!” The last was a shout, followed by her slamming her fist on the ground. The cement floor cracked, small gaps spiderwebbing out from her fist. Tears fell onto the ground following. She shook her head, wiped them away with a jerk. Dared me to push further.
So I did.
I gave a shrug. “So?”
She stared at me, now baffled. “Wha…what do you mean, ‘so’?! I can’t just–”
“You think if I found out that Rod over there was responsible for my sister’s death I would hesitate to run a tire iron through his colon? Friendship has no place in revenge. Betrayal is a constant in the state of humanity. Not that either of us are actually human, but you get the idea.”
She continued to stare at me, confused and almost…affronted that I wasn’t about to give her a speech about friendship and comfort. I’d save one of those for later.
I squatted down so we’d be eye-to-eye and tilted my head. “So what’s really on your mind? Why aren’t you all gung-ho about tearing out his liver?”
She took a shuddering breath. More tears. Her answer came out in a quivering whisper. “If he…if he killed my father…captured all three of us…he was smart enough to get me to trust Darius, Olyvia. What ever made me think I could actually kill someone like that?”
“Because you weren’t thinking with your head, kiddo.”
“I should just…I should go back home.”
I nodded. “Sure. You could do that. But what’s waiting for you there? Why go back to the place you ran from?”
She looked away. Gave a weak shrug. Curled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, staring at the ground. I settled down, put a hand on her knee. “Kid, trust me. You can go back home, hunker down, and try never to think about it ever again. But it won’t work. You can’t hide from something like this. It will find you again…when you’re halfway to sleep. When you’re enjoying a day in the garden. When you lose something as ordinary as a pen. Things like this don’t let you go. And if they do, it’s because you make them. You have to grind the fingers of it out of your head, one by one by one. And there are varying ways to do that. But none of them involve hiding behind others. Because this thing, this knowledge you have now, it can’t be blocked by others. You know how they say you can’t hide from yourself?” She gave a short nod. “This is a part of that. Knowing what haunts you is a part of knowing yourself. And that you will never successfully run from. You must simply find a way to face it.”
There was silence. “...how?”
I gave a smile. Patted her knee. “Well, my answer is usually to stab those responsible until they stop moving, but somehow I don’t think my answer will be your answer. This is your path, kiddo. Your choice. How do you think you’ll be able to put this to rest?”
She stirred. Looked up at me. “I…” Her mouth twitched. “I…I at least need to…” she shook her head. Gritted her teeth for a moment. Took a deep breath. “My father was...he liked questions. Taught me to look. To search for answers. So I still…want to know why. Now that…now that I know who…I need to hear it from Jake. I need to…” She trailed off for a moment, staring at the ground again. “Olyvia…you know weapons, right?”
I smiled. Nodded. “I know my fair share.”
“Can you…” she swallowed. “Can you…teach me?”
My smile widened. “Sure kid. Sure.”
